do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
