meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
