So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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