We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
