Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
