I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize