....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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