My first STD was from a foam party
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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