I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
