ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
