her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
where are my eyebrows?
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