so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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