3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
