sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
