there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
