youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
