You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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