He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize