I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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