So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Congratulations! We have a period
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize