im six kinds of drunk right now
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
