If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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