i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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