She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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