I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
