If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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