i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
