Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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