I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
