Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
