Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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