I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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