Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize