Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
