No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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