Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
