i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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