All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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