Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
