so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
