I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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