you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
