I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
