I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
