My sheets look like a crime scene.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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