put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
