My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
