we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
