After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
