Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
