i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
