Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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