There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
