Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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