Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
