I accidentally had phone sex last night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
