Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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