Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
