I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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