omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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