I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
