I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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