And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We're too hungover to prance.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
