Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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