woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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