The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's official drugs can't kill me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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